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“Someone sent me an email about using vodka for cleaning around the house. “I hate when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.”ģ3. “I don’t have to worry about getting kidnapped, they would bring me back in less than an hour!!”ģ2. If you have $20you’re your wife has $5, she has $25.” Best Funny images | Funny, Minions funny, Funny minionģ1. “Farting is like the song from frozen.Read: 28 Funny Memes Pics and Quotes That Will Help You Survive the Weekģ0. “Lazy rule no.2: if it falls under the bed. “When I call my parents, & they don’t answer it’s no big deal but when they call me & I don’t answer its like world war III.”Ĥ9. “Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think…. “If I manage to survive the rest of the week, I would like my straight jacket in hot pink & my helmet to sparkle.”Ĥ7. “I hate how chocolates immediately melt on my fingers. “I’ve used up all my sick days so I’m calling in dead”Ĥ5. I can kill you in 15 different ways and make it look like Winnie the pooh did it. “I have seen every episode of CSI, CSI:NY, and NCIS. “Do not try to play crazy with me... I’m better at it!”Ĥ3. I’m weird, I run into things, I spill food, I trip, I laugh about random and stupid stuff. Just remember, thats where the knives are kept” Funny Minion Joke About English | Funny minion picturesĤ1. “For men who think a womans place is in the kitchen. “If I actually spoke my mind, I’d be in deep shit!”Ĥ0. “Instead of cleaning house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think wow my house looks great!!”ģ9. “At my funeral I am giving everyone a stun gun... last person standing, gets all my stuff.”ģ7. “Stress = shit to remember every single second.”ģ6. “Friend boyfriend girlfriend bestfriend everything has an end except family => it has I love you if you love your family click like and share”ģ5. “I hate it when people are at your house and ask ‘Do you have a bathroom?’ No, we pee in the yard.”ģ4. “I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say: “Hey look, that one is shaped like an idiot.””ģ3. “Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. “I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says: “Haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.” Minion jokes, Minions funny, Funny minion quotesģ1. “You know how you can smack something to get it to work? I wish I could do that with people.”ģ0. “I’m that type of person that tries to fall back asleep in the morning just to finish a dream.”Ģ9. She gets all the way to the 99th before she”Ģ8. The redhead goes next and makes it to the seventh step before she laughs. The brunette goes first and laughs at the first step and is sent to hell. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100 steps, each containing a joke. “Blonde’s walk to heaven a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all die. But I’m about to get out of bed now, so I may need your help with the rest of the day.”Ģ7. No grumpy thoughts, no swearing, no smacking people in the head and no whining at all. “It’s ok to talk to yourself, it’s even ok to answer yourself… But when you ask yourself to repeat what you just said, you have a problem!”Ģ6. “So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out”Ģ5.
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“Raise your hand if you have a bad habit of laughing at serious moments.”Ģ4.
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“I’m in desperate need of a 6 month vacation twice a year”Ģ3.
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“I hate that moment when you’re tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed, your body is like just kidding.”Ģ2. “If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life vest… I would miss you so much.” Best Funny images | Funny, Minions funny, Funny minionĢ1. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… after I finish laughing…”Ģ0. “I’m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago…”ġ9. “Fighting online is so stupid I mean… what are you going to do? Busta caps lock on me?”ġ8. “That moment when you walk into a spider web and suddenly turn into a karate master.”ġ7. “Hey autocorrect, quit tampering with my curse words, you mother forklift!”ġ6. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what come out of my mouth.”ġ5. You have to hit them a few times until they get the picture.”ġ3. “Note to self: Double up on the happy pills for a week.”ġ2. Sometimes I need expert advice.” Best Funny images | Cute minions pictures, Funny minionġ1. “If you see me smiling it’s because I’m thinking of doing something evil or naughty if you see me laughing it’s because I’ve already done it!”ġ0.